They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
