we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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