i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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