Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You were trust falling into bushes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
