she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
