I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
