im having a threesome with these popsicles
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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