By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
