I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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