I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
