I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
