I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
