as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
