I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
