nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
