I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
