I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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