I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize