Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
