She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
