Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
