Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
