i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
