Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
