OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize