i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
