So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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