i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
