I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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