I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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