my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
