I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
