How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
