shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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