Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
