I'm jealous of your bromance
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
