Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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