im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
