Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
