The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
