and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
