At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
