ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
