these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize