No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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