Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
