pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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