We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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