My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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