she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
