I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
