that's an acceptable place to lick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
