if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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