You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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