i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
