I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
