Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
