why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
