why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize