I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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