We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
