it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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