Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You made out with two different species that night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
