And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
