So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize