I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
