The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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